I want to be honest...this 3+ months of waiting with no news of traveling back to our daughter has been the toughest challenge i have faced in my life.
I fell in love and left my baby girl in that orphanage in February with an expected timeline of when we would return. This timeline was something that eased my heart when we left, knowing we would be back within 4-6 weeks, and at the VERY most, a 2-3 months. I miss her with every ounce of my being, i think about her in every moment of my day...it has consumed me. At times I am sad and angry, and want to throw myself to the ground and say "it's just not fair, why me?"
I have been emotionally exhausted.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Takes my yoke upon you and learn from me, for i am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
This experience has been no doubt the most faith growing season of my life, and it has been full of growing pains, but unimaginable joys as I have reached new heights in my relationship with the Lord. I have been challenged to view my life not as my own but as his to use. I am but a vessel. To say "YES" with abandon and watch the beauty unfold from that first act of faithful obedience.
I am choosing EVERYDAY, and many days, EVERY HOUR, to celebrate that through the fire I am eternally changing and being painfully molded into the woman the Lord created to be. Letting go...giving up...setting aside what "I" want...leaning in...and choosing to LOVE the process despite being uncomfortable and not ideal, knowing its part of my story, its part of Rush's story. Since a young age, I have come to know every great tale to have a dramatic act in the middle...you wonder if the characters will make it, how it will it all end? The darker its seems the get, the brighter my God will shine! The more difficult circumstances to overcome, the more no one can attribute what's been accomplished to anyone BUT the Lord.
While at church recently, i had a clarity moment and felt the Lord's loving words...
Don't be stressed out and consumed by this process to the point that you are constantly looking forward and missing the everyday. This isn't the last time you will do this, and I don't want you to miss out on the joy of this beautiful life you have in front of you every time you are in this situation. I am teaching you BALANCE...being consumed with abandon and passion for my glory, but also choosing to glorify me with an appreciation for the present moment. Life is slipping by, soak in the everyday moment. I am a present God, with you NOW...stop looking so far ahead, keep your eyes on me. She will come home...enjoy her WHOLE story, its going to be a beautiful one.
Our God is good...we got the first glimmer of hope in MONTHS. I am having the internal battle fighting to wait patiently, as we could hear of news at any day. Monday we learned that the Duma started the first of three sessions discussing the adoption treaty. So one more step that needs to take place to remove the road back to our daughter. Only time will tell what will be required of us after this treaty is ratified. But when it comes down to it, she is our daughter, and we will wait however long for her, we would re-do our paperwork 10 times, pay whatever ransoms required. Nothing will deter us from this narrow road we have been called...to be her family, to give her life, to give her a beautiful hope and a future!
Please continue to pray for our family, we need encouragement, we need an extra burst of endurance, we need prayer for complete peace and grace in whatever comes our way....please pray for our Rush as she waits through this process that is out of our hands, that she is safe and loved!
I have so much more to learn, but for now, taking a deep breath and SOAKING IN MY BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!!
6 comments:
We're definitely praying! We're doing the month long prayer vigil for "Heidi" (Peterson) and every time I pray for her I add in all the honies that are awaiting their fams to be able to get them. Including Rush. The Lord is on the move, I can feel it. Hugs and prayers to you dear. It is very hard. We're (been) waiting and waiting and waiting for God to clear some road blocks so we can begin our journey and to say it has been/is difficult is an understatement. I know oh so well the pain and the agony of it. Hang in there-we're lifting you and all the RU2 families up!
I know that the waiting is hard. It makes me sad to see you hurting. Just know that the best things in life are worth waiting for. The best is yet to come. Believe it.
Precious girl, you would not be normal if you weren't anxious and overcome with emotional exhaustion through this wait. But the word you received from the Lord is so beautiful and so perfect. Yes, He's working even now to draw you closer to Him through this process. "Life is slipping by, soak in the everyday moment." We could all use daily reminders of this fact! Every time your mind says, "When, when" respond with "Thank you, Jesus!" Yes, we're praying for you in Plano TX! She's coming, Mama!! :)
The waiting is awful and it is easy to be discouraged. The lessons you are learning now will help you all your life. I'm praying for you.
Great words of wisdom from Scripture and from the Holy Spirit...the trick is to remember in the light what you learned in the dark, because that's where the Lord brings you closest to Himself. Once Rush is home, try to use your experience to comfort others as they travel the same road you walked. God has a purpose in everything He does and ALL THINGS work together for our good (Romans 8:28). Praying you'll hear good news soon!
Your strong faith in the Lord is so beautiful and inspiring! Garrett and I love you and are praying for rush's journey everyday
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